i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
