ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
