I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
should my penis look like a turkey
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
