i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
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