Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
