if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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