he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
