There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
