i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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