We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
