eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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