Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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