he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
