After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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