Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
