So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
