I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
