She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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