So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
