she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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