Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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