then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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