Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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