Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
