your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
