Where is the hickey?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
