is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
