Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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