Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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