Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize