So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
