You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
