I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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