At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
