too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When did angry sex become our thing?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
