come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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