she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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