I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
