...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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