You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
