Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
