you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
