College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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