we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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