I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize