Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
