I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
