We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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