I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
