K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
