so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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