I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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