A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
