we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
