weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're a waste of cheezeits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
