I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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