dude i'm inner monologue high
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
