I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
