To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
