I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
