Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
