I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he thought i was a dude.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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