I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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