I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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