whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
