Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
