So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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