Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
