thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
