I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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