these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
