lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
