I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
