did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize