Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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