So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
