I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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