your room smells of hookers.
And success
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
