The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
