Pappa wants mamma naked
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
