It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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